i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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