Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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