dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
