ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Randomize
