I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
