2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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