Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
