He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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