he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
love makes seman taste better
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
where are my eyebrows?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
