I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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