half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
