I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
