When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
