win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
