her vagine was all disorganized.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
