just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
