Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
