i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
