She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
