I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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