he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
