We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
