Apparently you make a good broom.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
