once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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