Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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