I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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