we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
