you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Come share oat with me in your robe
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
