her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
