You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
