We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
