Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
