I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
