Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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