yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
