Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you traded sex for a burrito?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
