Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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