thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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