Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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