remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
honey bunches of taint.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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