your room smells of hookers.
And success
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
