And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
