i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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