I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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