I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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