You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
