i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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