Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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