WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
