Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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