So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
