found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
