he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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